Life as We Know It.

The life we have is one that we know for sure. Regardless of how we feel about it, we accept that it is ours, even if there are many things that could use fixing. We complain often, dream of change, and sometimes even relish in the golden moments that make us smile. Yet we continue on the same path, because the ‘known’ is what creates comfort, even when the known is uncomfortable. Why?

If you’re going to be uncomfortable anyway, why not get out of your own way and create something new and different?!  Yes, you are in your own way. That job you have yearned for, the business you have wanted to start, the exercise program you have been dabbling in for decades, is all possible, if you move aside.  

I have often questioned others, and myself in search of understanding the difference between the people that have what they want and those that simply talk about having it. Interestingly, there are many things in common: a strong sense of self, a knowledge of ones own strengths, an understanding of what doesn’t work for them and a real desire for movement. Those are the qualities that make change possible.

What distinguishes those that act on their desires and those that don’t, are their differences.  People that actually create change are willing to let go of what they know and live into the creation of what can be next (the unknown).  They do not live into the drama or the fear of it, but instead, confidently create such a real picture of what they want, that it doesn’t feel unknown at all. In fact, they talk about it so often that they feel it already exists. They don’t give up because the money hasn’t come in yet, or the waistline hasn’t budged, but keep moving, knowing that in time all of that will take a life of its own.  These individuals don’t simply check off their lists in hopes of achieving the end result, they follow the steps because it is what they are passionate about and know that the result will follow as well. 

For those of you still stuck in your ‘reasons’: family needs, time, money, etc., this is a hard concept because you have been repeating your story for so long that your story feels factual! I can just hear your inner voice now: yeah but she doesn’t know what my life is like! What I do know is that we all have busy lives and family obligations as well.  The ‘do-ers’ just don’t get stopped with the reasons, but instead create their life around them: getting up earlier in the morning, working an extra job at low cash-flow times, and being choosier about what can and can not be attended to.  Your life will get in the way.  Your job is to see them as hurdles (to be jumped), not roadblocks.

Here is the perfect example that many runners will relate to. You are out for your third run this week and can’t believe, again, that you are struggling. There is an unbelievable feeling that perhaps you have grown heavier, more sluggish, and older.  You are certain that you can no longer run, because maybe ‘they’ are right. Maybe your life is too busy for this right now, or you are just getting too old. Until…you decide to buy a new pair of sneakers. Suddenly you hit the streets and your stride feels long, your legs feel strong, and your breathing is controlled and calculated.  It is then that you remember just how old your shoes were, and what then seemed like fact, now isn’t even part of the conversation. Instead, the conversation revolves around signing up for a race! I mean, why not? You are in great shape!

Your life as you know it, is just that. Changes can occur over night though, simply by what you do and say. Don’t get stuck in what seems like ‘fact’.  Whatever facts you have convinced yourself of, will look different with a new pair of sneakers. 

www.GellerCoaching.com

Resolutions that Last

We relish in being given a new chance with each New Year. We promise ourselves, and our loved ones that we will do things different this year. We will live full lives, ones that make us happy, ones that will make us thinner, more peaceful, more successful.

We write down our lists, tell others (or not) and then hope for the best. It is a long year with lots of hope and promise of what can be. Unfortunately, living into the hope and promise of a new long year is just what sabotages our efforts.

Our efforts begin strong as we plunge forward and join the gym or go back to the gym that we have long since abandoned.  We pack healthy lunches for work and throw out all the holiday goodies.  We write down our daily lists and check them off twice. All the while almost humming a happy tune about how this year will be different.

Then March or April show up and suddenly the days turn into weeks, and then into months and without a warning, become a tedious task at best. All that planning, and creativity to make sure everything fits just the way you said it would almost turns it into a job! And the more you think about how long you will have to work in order for it to be life-changing and life-long, the more ready you are to give it up. Sure, you can do it right now, but if you are tired already, how will you possibly keep it up for the next few decades?

Sometimes our thoughts move us into action, but mostly, our deep thoughts have one purpose: sabotage.  You know the voice. The one that says, ‘You know you aren’t going to do this much longer anyway.’ The one that says, ‘Come on, you aren’t fooling anyone, they all know you aren’t going to be successful at this.’  Yet while your voice is just running its’ usual mouth, you start to believe it and forget that you are choosing to listen to it, but could also choose to ignore it. 

Want to finally have success at your commitments? Ignore it! Or even better, gently thank it for coming and do what you have to do in spite of it.

You do not have to do this forever. Whatever it is. Whether it is your business, a healthy lifestyle, or a workout plan, you do not have to do this forever. You don’t. I am freeing you from those imprisoning words.

But will this really work if I don’t commit to this for the rest of my life? 

Yes!

Because all you actually need to do, is honor your commitment today.  That is it. Nike wasn’t just branding their company so you would wear it on your shirt. They were branding the motto we should wear in our hearts.

Just do it. Today (I added that part!).  All you need to do is honor your commitment today, and tomorrow…will take care of itself, as it ever so gracefully falls into ‘today.’ Have this resolution, be the one that lasts.

www.GellerCoaching.com

Life. Part II. Women in Transition.

The unknown can be frightening. In fact, the unknown can be so frightening that it can leave us feeling immobilized, craving the old and familiar, and romanticizing what was. It can lead to moments of depression, feelings of anxiety and a constant questioning of why me?
Some people manage their fears of the unknown by keeping busy. Perhaps shopping, sleeping, eating, drinking, etc, whatever is necessary to stay distracted from the fears or worry that lie underneath. But worry is like a rocking chair; it will give you something to do, but won’t get you anywhere.
Often we think that we are moving in the right direction if we don’t sit down as much, spend more time at the gym, or more time fixing, cleaning and/or doing. Though this is technically moving, real movement in the direction of happiness will need to be mindful. With each step, you need to think about how your leg feels as it hits the ground, how the ground feels as you land upon it, how your body responds to the new moment upon you. Real movement should involve being acutely aware of what passes you by, what surrounds you as you move and what lies before you in wait. There should be steady, yet constant movement.

But what if you have no idea what is next or where you will land?
So what.
You don’t have to know where you are going next; you merely have to be committed to the movement itself. If you actually knew where you were going, you would no longer be in a place of unknown, but in a place of actually landing. You will get there; everyone does, but only when it is time. Until then, it is about following your intuitions, rediscovering what makes you happy and continuing to move in a place that feels good. Then keep the faith that you will know you are there, once you have arrived. Not a moment before…
We have ignored our intuitive feelings for far too long and now, in place of discovering what is next, we need to start listening to what has been in our hearts all along. When you were a child it was simple. You knew what you wanted and you either went and got it or asked someone to get it for you. Yet as you grew older it wasn’t quite that simple. What once began as fulfilling your needs, easily fell into what others around you needed, until eventually your needs, what made you feel happiest inside, began to get quieter. Your needs became about fulfilling their needs. Until eventually you became unclear what your needs even were. Or did you actually always know, but were willing to put those thoughts and needs away?
Perhaps it wasn’t about giving up your needs throughout your life at all, but about needing what you needed in that time period and then awakening one day to a whole new set of needs. Perhaps you had formed your life around those needs, and it actually made you feel happy and complete inside, until it didn’t anymore. Or maybe, due to the passing of time, it was just time for change.
It doesn’t matter how yesterday showed up or how it once looked, or what you did until this moment. It doesn’t even matter if you were happy during that time, or completely unhappy. Either way, transitioning into what is next, can show up as quite a challenge, with moments of excitement, filled in with moments of worry.

Worrying means you have lost faith.

In order to create change, or transition into something that is new, you need to have faith that it will all work out just as it is supposed to.
The first step in transitioning into something new is to be prepared.

1 - Have a complete plan of how you would like to get started.

2 – Plan what steps you can follow as you go.

3 – Create a timeline of when you will complete and/or attempt things.

4 – Design a picture of what you would like it to look and feel like when you arrive.

The most important part is to focus on where you want to be and how you want to feel. Don’t give any attention to the other parts: worries, fears, anxiousness…simply thank those thoughts for showing up, and then start moving. New exciting beginnings are just around the corner.

Are You Right?

What’s all this talk about world peace?

I mean, of course I believe that everyone learning to co-exist could only bring amazing things to this world…but WORLD peace? Really? Do we understand how large of a task that is? Do we really understand how many closed-minded opinions we would have to alter in order to get everyone thinking the same peaceful thoughts?

I am not trying to be pessimistic or remotely suggest that creating peace across the world is not possible. I am a firm believer that anything is quite possible, if done with intention and persistence. Just think, we could probably eliminate hunger and homelessness too, since we would then have a world filled with human beings helping other human beings. Sure, we may not be able to eliminate people dying of horrible diseases around the world, but if we could guarantee that all human beings were operating from a heartfelt place, wanting to love and feel loved, think of all the other unbelievable changes that could also occur.

What keeps us from world peace is that most of the anger, fighting and killing comes from a place of feeling right. A feeling that the way we think is the way it really is. As if our thoughts and beliefs are factual. It’s not that I don’t understand how it feels to want to stand strongly in your beliefs. I do. I come from a long line of debaters, a family of confident people that are willing to go to bat for themselves. But even with that upbringing, I was able to comprehend that it was my opinion. Did I talk relentlessly at times, too loudly, too persistently, coming across as though there were only one side to the story…yes! But in the end, what good can come of that? You can’t actually convince someone to think like you do. You can’t force someone to do things like you do. Well, you can actually, but that isn’t what you want. What you really want is for others to not only see your side, but also value it and then take it on as theirs as well. Yet that doesn’t usually happen.

Instead, you should only hope to offer a new perspective to those that see it differently. But you can only offer. It is still their choice to do with it what they will.

Even with that knowledge, though, if we all stayed within the boundaries of the laws, making decisions based on what was for the better good of society and the human race, then couldn’t we eliminate much of what now shows up as hate and create a peaceful world?

Maybe, but only if we could work on the true problem at hand. The problem is not that the world is too large…in my opinion. The problem is that the very same people that are fighting for world peace do not have peace within themselves. Peace will not come by changing others. Peace will not come from blaming others. Peace will not come by getting revenge on those that have not done it our way. Peace has to come from within ourselves. In order to be peaceful from our core, we will need to learn to be with the silence at times, as well as the noise; we will need to learn to be still. We will need to accept that our feelings are just that: ours. They don’t make you feel any particular way. Actually, you feel how you feel, because that is how you feel! So stop the blame game. Give up on your desire to change others, and focus on the act of sharing. Be mindful with everyone you interact with that we all want the same thing: to love and be loved. And that even though you are certain that you know…you don’t always know.

We have a long way to go before we can even touch the surface on a world that is peaceful always, and until we can each find peace within ourselves, no matter what our past has given us…world peace will remain out of our reach.

Do what you have to in order to find peace. It will change your life, which in turn, will change all the lives of others around you.

The Road to Nowhere

Are you sure?

I am often asked how I am remain so positive no matter what seems to be going on around me. I am asked if I have some super human powers, or if I am simply a dreamer and it happens to work in my favor. My answer to that question doesn’t come as instinctively as my ability to think positively.

This morning the answer came to me clearly though, as I sat at my mac, and decided to change my screen saver. After scrolling through a few pictures, I found the perfect one. The photo actually made me stop and stare in almost a trance. It made me wonder, think and question. It silenced my ever-running mind that always thinks it has the answers. It stopped me in a place of question, yet in a place of comfort as well.

It was a black and white photo with a wooden pier that I guessed to be about 20-30 feet long. Surrounding it was a calm body of water that forced my eyes to stare into the distance and see nothing else but more and more water. The only land to be seen was a small area of sand near the beginning of the pier. An area so small, that my eyes had difficulty staying there.

I immediately could hear voices of worry from clients and friends looking at this same photo. I imagined them expressing feelings of concern about being alone or abandoned. I could hear their voices saying there was no reason to keep looking, since it was a road to nowhere. Yet as I continued to look, I could not see the picture of emptiness that most might see. I was not met with fears as I gazed down the pier. I was not engrossed with worry about what lurked in the open space. Instead, what I saw was very similar to how I see life.

It was not a road to nowhere, but rather, a road to anywhere. It was not a body of water that had nothing to offer, but rather a body of water that held opportunities that could not yet be seen. I was clear from this viewpoint, that all could not be seen, but that there was definitely more. I was confident that what lie in the unknown, had the potential to be great and felt comfort in the possibility of being able to create it any way that I wanted.

Check your road again. Is it really the road to nowhere? Or are the possibilities so endless, you are afraid to look?

Race Day

Race day is an interesting day. Interesting, at least for me, because I am a late blooming athletes that believes the only way to complete a race with success, is to follow the training guide like your life depends on it. I mean, if there are training guides listed on the internet, surely they have been tested and approved, so why reinvent the wheel...or pretend that I know what to do to successfully complete a duathlon?

And so, while my boyfriend and 17 year old son, both supposedly training for the race, are hardly even glancing at the training schedule, I had printed it out, posted multiple copies and checked it several times a day. In addition, I checked each workout off as I went, to make sure I didn't miss anything. All the while, I didn't say much because I knew that what they lacked in "rule-following", they would make up for in race-day gusto. Or was that male-ego?

I wasn't wired with race-day gusto, or ego. No matter how hard I trained, nor how hard I wanted to reach a specific finishing time, the race would ultimately decide my fate. I wouldn't.

We wake up before the sun on race day to recheck our gear and equipment and fill our bellies with warm oatmeal and a banana. My stomach is in knots, making the oatmeal difficult to swallow, but I keep breathing and begin my positive self-talk: You're ready for this. You have trained. It is cold and windy, but it is just weather. Just...weather. I then say a silent prayer that the two days on my road bike was enough to keep me fast and upright on the hills, and try not to cave into my fears that 'taper week' had successfully sucked all the strength from me.


I lose myself in preparing to leave and pretend that this is just about packing, not really racing. My mind seems to be sold on that until we actually arrive at the race, which is when I am certain that I don't even know how to run. That fear, though, gets completely lost in the next worry, as we head to transitions to set up our stuff and I begin to tremble. Not from fear at all, but from cold. The winds had picked up and while the temps were at a mere 40 degrees, it felt about 30.

I worried about frozen toes and being able to run on feet that I might not be able to feel.

I then asked myself again why I chose to race, when really what I prefered was the training. It was structured, gave my workouts a purpose and made me feel strong. I wondered why that wasn't enough. I wondered why I tortured myself through all the worry of racing, when the training really seemed to serve its purpose. I mean, wasn't this all about being strong and fit? What was the race going to prove that the training hadn't already?



When it was finally time to listen to last minute race directions, I thanked the weather gods for holding off on the rain, which might have been snow by now and stayed grateful that this was a duathlon and not a triathlon. That was all I could muster up in the way of being grateful, but hoped that would be enough to make my race an easy one.

That last wish was probably part of the problem, since my desire for race-ease, always takes over my desire to win once the gun goes off. It's not that I don't play full out. I do! It's just that when I start to feel winded, and am only five minutes into a 90 minute race, it seems appropriate to back off a little. It's at that moment when my goal becomes a strong finish, not so much a strong race.



I did begin the race wanting to place in my age category, but when I heard that there were only 150 participants, battled the winds and cold and unbelievably steep hills on the bike and by foot, and then saw my boyfriend right behind me and walking...I had a new goal.



"You don't have to slow down for me," he said.



"I'm not," I added, "but what's the hurry?" I said putting my arm in his while we took a walk break and then thought, I already got my trophy.



And at that, we proceeded to bring in the last leg of the race together, posing for each photographer, laughing as we went and pushing each other to the finish.



"Kick it in girl," he said to me when the finish line was in sight. "I'm right behind you..."



As I rolled up on the balls of my feet, and my legs pushed me across the finish, the meaning of race day became again all too clear. It wasn't about the training, my 17 year old eating up that race with no practice at all, nor my boyfriend finishing with me because he missed a turn. Race day was about showing up, facing some of life's greatest fears and then kicking in it to the finish...merely because I said I would.